Oh boy, it’s time for a Shoddy Blog end of year film list! Last year I gave you 20 films, and the year before that I listed every single film I saw (60!), but you know what, I’m going to take it easy on you kids. There won’t be a bathtub full of review-porridge to chew through this year, instead we are going to stick to a simple top ten format. You’ll notice a few honourable mentions thrown into the mix, these are basically films of a similar genre to the ones reviewed that weren’t quite good enough to make the cut…but are still worthy of your filthy peepers. Here we go:

 

spy

10. SPY

Melissa McCarthy won our collective hearts in the highly amusing comedy Bridesmaids way back in 2011. Unfortunately since then, the talented actress has been forced to rot in uninspired muck, as the Hollywood machine threw her in front of camera after camera telling her to be “Funny and endearingly chubby” without a decent script to cling to. Enter the Espionage Thriller Spy. A love-letter to James Bond, with an astonishing hit rate of jokes. I’m not kidding, I could watch McCarthy and Rose Byrne’s acerbic banter all day long. Throw in an over the top tough guy performance from Jason Statham, and a delicious turn from Peter Serafinowicz as a sleazy Italian Agent, and you have not only the best comedy, but the best Spy film of the year.

See Also: Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation. The most consistent Action series of all time (I’m happy to argue this point) does not let up with it’s fifth entry.

creed

9. CREED

Who thought we would ever see a seventh Rocky film in 2015? Rocky seems like a character from a bygone era. He fought Carl Weathers, Mr T, Hulk Hogan and Dolph Lundgren. Christ, I’m surprised they didn’t throw him into the ring with Molly Ringwald just to say he fought the entire Eighties.

And yet here we are in the modern day, with an old Rocky teaching his dead mate’s son how to fight like a champion in one of the year’s best films. It seems Balboa has a few tricks up his sleeve, as does director Ryan Coogler who has crafted a technically impressive and heartfelt film.

See also: Creed includes an entire boxing match shot in a single take, and it is the second best fight scene of the year. For the first, check out Kingsman: The Secret Service. The church fight scene is an all timer, featuring an ass-whooping from Colin Firth. Yes, Colin Fucking Firth.

sicario

8. SICARIO

A straight laced FBI agent is enlisted by a shadowy Government task force to aid them in netting a Mexican Drug Lord. Emily Blunt plays the tough but vulnerable girl. James Brolin is the tough but sleazy boy. Benicio Del Toro is also here – thankfully in one of those rare occasions when we can actually understand what the fuck he is saying. A tense political thriller, with the style and pacing of a Horror film.

tangerine

 7. TANGERINE

A film about two trans gender hookers wandering around LA searching for a cheating pimp boyfriend. This is the film I came so close to not watching – it wasn’t the topic that turned me off, but the medium. The film was shot entirely on an I-Phone, and usually that gimmicky shit makes me want to head butt a bush fire. The reviews were consistent so I relented, and gosh what a beautiful looking film. I was blown away by the imagery, but the most startling thing about this movie, is that it makes you empathise with the kind of bickering street urchins you usually go out of your way to avoid.

See also: For some more quirky indie fare, check out The Lobster. Colin Farrell must find himself a girlfriend in 45 days or he will be turned into a Lobster. You know how it is.

girl walks

 6. A GIRL WALKS HOME ALONE AT NIGHT

A Slow Burn Persian Vampire film. With Subtitles. In Black and White. Yeah, I probably lost you a sentence or two ago. Unfortunately, I’m a film freak, so I get racked with guilt if I don’t watch films like this. Yes, this one sat in my Netflix queue for four months before I had the energy to watch it. Yes, I kicked myself for waiting so fucking long when I finally did.

See also: Unfriended. A horror film for the facebook generation, more unsettling then a dick pic from your Grandpa.

bhawk

 5. Bone Tomahawk

Kurt Russel is a Wild West Sherriff on a mission to save a young lady from mutant cannibalistic Indians. If that premise doesn’t entice you, then you are medically, clinically, legally fucked in the head.

See also: Hungry for some more flesh eating Horror? Who am I kidding. Of course you are! Check out Eli Roth’s love letter to Italian Cannibal films Green Inferno.

exmachina

 4. EX MACHINA

A Psychological mind-fuck that was two parts Sci Fi and one part genuine Horror” is how my last Tinder hook up described our date, but it’s also an accurate description of this film.

Word to the wise, whenever you see a Scientist messing around with Artificial Intelligence just smack him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and say “NO!

See also: For another helping of brainy Sci Fi, give The Martian a go. You can learn Botany, Astro Physics, Public Relations – it’s like being back at college, minus the alcohol poisoning and crippling student debt.

itfollows

3. IT FOLLOWS

If Russel Brand goosed Lindsay Lohan on a bed covered in  Britney Spears’ dirty underwear – could you imagine the nightmarish STD that would produce? I can think of a scarier one – the supernatural curse passed from lover to lover in the year’s best horror film It Follows.

insideout

 2. INSIDE OUT

I’m a 38 year old Generation X Australian Male chiseled out of jaded stone. Tears do not come easy to me. I have cried twice in my life:

  1. Once in 1986 when I got a face full of jellyfish.
  2. Once in 2015 when I watched Inside Out on a plane ride to Vegas.

I must be the only human in history to cry on his way to Las Vegas and not from. Not guttural cheek wetting sobs – more of a heavily misty eyed scenario. This is just between you and me by the way, as I told the chick sitting next to me on the plane that allergies were the cause of my wet eye rubbing.

See also: Shaun the Sheep. Aardman are only rivaled by Pixar in the field of “entertainment for the whole family”. Clever jokes for adults, incredible action set pieces – it’s a go to film for when I’m babysitting my nephew.

madmax

1. MAD MAX: FURY ROAD

George Miller ran into an unprecedented number of problems in the 14 years it took to bring his fourth Mad Max film to the screen. September 11, the financial crisis, Mel Gibson going bonkers. When your arid Australian desert shooting location turns into a lush flowery forest due to torrential raining, you have to truly question whether God hates your guts.

You’d never know the movie had such a tumultuous upbringing, as the final product is damn near perfection. It didn’t get much love at the Golden Globes, and I doubt those elderly fuckwits at the Oscars will give it the gong – pay no heed to those crotchety old shitbags, as Mad Max: Fury Road is the best film of 2015.

 

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