Schniztel

Welcome to the inaugural Shoddy Blog newsletter, which I have named Schnitzel Crumbs, a title inspired by the author’s name with a link that could be described as tenuous at best. I thought it might give you felons a bit of a heads up what’s cracking behind the scenes for the old Sho Blo, as this has always been a site with astoundingly sporadic updates, and you may be curious as to what lies in the filthy pipeline of the future.

Firstly:  I wanted to write a review for every film I saw in 2013…and when that mammoth task was complete I then felt the urge to list the underrated films for the year after that. After the dust had settled, I had given my thoughts on a grand total of 87 films. Though the process was a blast, it held up any other posts on the blog. For those of you with no interest in my film reviews rejoice, as we now return to our usual programming.

Next Up: I’ve shut down the comments again, partly because you Shoddites aren’t huge on commenting – but mostly because of the spam bots.

That’s the yin yang problem with technology, when the good stuff evolves – the malignant shit evolves too, and the spambots now search out actual comments to make sure they dump their Viagra links on active web sites. Lala commented on a post in February, which triggered a tidal wave of spam comments. On one day I got notified 47 times. Sure I can choose to just ‘delete all’, but it gave me the shits and I’m shutting comments down until I source a better system (possibly Disqus).

In the mean time – here’s a few of my favourite spam comments. What the spambots lack in convenience, they sure make up for in niceties. In a strange way, I’m going to miss them.

A little rationality lifts the quality of the debate here. Thanks for contributing!

I read your post and wished I was good enough to write it.

I can’t hear anything over the sound of how awesome this article is.

Didn’t know the forum rules allowed such brilliant posts.

There are no words to describe how bodacious this is.

As per future posts: I’ve got a number of new segments I’ve been working on that I want to throw your way:

A segment titled Ranting Bastard that allows me to vent about stuff that annoys me (see: everything).

Drawing on my substantial experiences with alcohol, I’m going to start creating a Booze Hound’s Bible to educate the masses on the world of sinking piss.

Shoddy Guidebooks – for various life topics. Prepare to wipe the suds of enlightenment from your eyes as I bathe you in the soapy bath water of my wisdom.

AND: I stopped to pick up bloody gravel from my knees the other day, realising that as I crawl down the highway of life the next closest town is Middle Age. I thought to myself “Isn’t it high time I started writing my autobiography?”. Working title: Chunks of Beef.

These items of interest will start to trickle through any day now, and you’ll be able to chew the articles with your eye teeth.

 

On a final note, we hit a milestone earlier this month on March 3rd when the Shoddy Blog had it’s ninth birthday.

Nine years. Boy, now we’re really starting to show our age. To put that in perspective, here is where we sit on a timeline for the World Wide Web:

 Schniztel-timeline

So stay tuned. Read the articles, don’t read the articles, pay a high class Hooker to squirt twelve year old Whiskey into your pee hole. Life is full of choices.

 

 

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