Well it’s been an epic adventure, but my massive task of reviewing every film I saw in 2013 has drawn to a close. Boy what a journey – we’ve maced Jenifer Aniston in the face with insect repellent, dropped Vaughn and Wilson off at ISIS, and even witnessed Justin Bieber hurling his own faeces into a crowd of his fans.

Full disclosure here: the series of posts wasn’t a community service, and more of a self indulgence. I’ve always wanted to review every film I saw in a calendar year, and finally got around to doing it. It was a lot of fun, but the obvious dilemma was that I didn’t want to write any other posts until I finished the list…and the fucking list took me over a year. As gratifying an experience as it was, I started with January’s films and, let’s be honest, ran out of intelligent shit to say by mid Feb. But it’s over now, and I can scratch it off my bucket list.

After this post, I have one article on the films of 2014 to pump out (a list of 20 films, I promise it wont be word heavy) – and then I can get back to the usual Shoddy programming; namely descriptions of my drunken antics, injuries, and workplace woes.

Any way, I’ll leave you with this as an easy reference page – all 60 films I saw in 2013 ranked in order of quality from worst to best.

poor

These films are hot trash. If you ever come across anybody involved with the creation of these movies, pick up a handful of gravel and throw it at them.

60. Birdemic 2: The Resurrection

59. The Internship

58. The Lone Ranger

57. A Good Day To Die Hard

56. The To Do List

55. R.I.P.D.

54. The Heat

53. Machete Kills

average

These films are saved from the trash heap by a semi decent character here, or an almost worthwhile scene there. Though they still aren’t “keepers“, these are the films you catch halfway on cable television when you’re doing the ironing and barely concentrating on the screen.

52. Oz: The Great and Powerful

51. The Hangover Part III

50. We’re The Millers

49. Kick-Ass 2

48. Percy Jackson: Sea Of Monsters

47. The Great Gatsby

46. Star Trek Into Darkness

45. Man Of Steel

44. The Purge

43. VHS

good

These films are good. Which is to say I wouldn’t waste a “Movie Night” on them, but they are solid entertainment when you’re coach ridden with a hangover.

42. ABCs Of Death

41. World War Z

40. All Superheroes Must Die

39. Now You See Me

38. Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

37. Jack Reacher

36. 21 And Over

35. Evil Dead

34. The Wolverine

33. Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

32. The Last Stand

31. White House Down

30. Thor: The Dark World

29. John Dies At The End

 

vgood

2013 produced a formidable chunk of quality cinema, and these are prime examples. If your Boss asks for suggestions for DVDs to watch on his day off, recommended a few of these. Your boss will be so impressed with your taste, he’ll promote you immediately.

28. Upstream Colour

27. Lincoln

26. Gangster Squad

25. Hell Baby

24. American Hustle

23. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

22. Pain and Gain

21. Fast and Furious 6

20. Spring Breakers

19. Mud

18. Chop

17. Stoker

16. V/H/S 2

15. Curse of Chucky

14. Captain Phillips

13. The World’s End

12. Riddick

11. Pacific Rim

awesome

These are my Top Ten films for 2013. It doesn’t get any better than this.

10. You’re Next

9. Dallas Buyers Club

8. Zero Dark Thirty

7. The Act of Killing

6. Iron Man 3

5. Rush

4. This is the End

3. Gravity

2. Only God Forgives

1. Django Unchained

 

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