DALLAS

What’s It About:

The film that played a large part in the ‘McConaughascence’, DBC is the harrowing true story of AIDS sufferer Ron Woodroof and his attempts at smuggling experimental AIDS treatments into the States. Health Care is fucked in the USA in 2015, I can’t even imagine what the mid 80s were like.

Dallas Buyers Club received many accolades, and the Institute of Film and Technology voted it “Worst first date film of 2013“.

The Good:

2013 was an amazing year for McConaughey, any haters still mumbling in the background were silenced when this film came out. Jared Leto also putting in a fine performance. Jennifer Garner looks like a goblin, I was surprised to find her character didn’t have AIDS and was actually quite healthy.

The Bad:

Exceptional stuff, but I don’t think they nailed the landing. The ending kind of peters off.

The Final Word:

Watch the film and educate yourself on a medically tumultuous period of the 80s.

4.5

thor2

What’s It About:

The continuing adventures of Thor, and the perils that come with being a Norse God – a treacherous brother, a trandimensional nemesis, and the never ending dilemmas of trying to get into Natalie Portman’s pants.

How doth one bed a mortal wench when one’s penis shooteth pure lightening?

The Good:

The main problem with the first Thor film was how unbelievably cheap it looked. The battle set pieces were shot on a sandy studio lot, and it looked like something you would watch from tiered sets at Movie World on the Gold Coast. The budget for this sequel was only 20 mill more, but it looks 100 times better. The scenes in Asgard are incredible, and the final battle hopping between portals to multiple dimensions is an absolute blast.

The Bad:

Marvel are winning the Superhero race hands down, but geez they struggle in the villain department. Christopher Eccleston’s Dark Elf Malekith is unmemorable to say the least.

Kat Dennings is not as annoying here as the first Thor, but I still struggle with her presence. Possibly because I liken the experience of watching Two Broke Girls to having stray cats vomit in my eyes and ears.
Stinger:

Fuck, been a while since I done one of these! But it’s a Marvel film, so the stinger is par for course. One mid credit scene involving Thor and Portman, one post credits scene involving a monster you probably forgot got stuck on Earth.

The Final World:

I enjoyed it, it’s better than the first Thor at any rate. But I’m thinking this may be more for Marvel completests.

3.5

hung

What’s it About:

Katniss Everdeen thought she was free of the foul mechanics of the Hunger Games’ Battle Arena. But malicious forces are at work, and the powers that be demand all previous champions enter the Death Garden again for another spin. More importantly, how many Generation Y knuckleheads are going to name their daughters after the plucky heroine of this franchise? And do they realise they are locking their kids in for a life time of name calling? If I went to school with a girl called Katniss, I would call her Catpiss for sure.

catp

The Good:

Against all odds, I actually enjoyed the first Hunger Games. A group of kids forced to fight to the death in a near future arena – It was kind of like the Japanese film Battle Royale remade for the upper middle class Kandy Krush crowd. This sequel takes the premise and ups the ante, creating an even kookier battlefield of traps and horrific weaponry. I fucking love watching poor helpless bastards fight to the death. It truly will be an actual sport one day.

Important Sidenote: there’s a Young Adult novel somewhere amongst all this blood and mayhem, earning it this rare accolade:

chickflick copy

The Bad:

I’m really not sold on the whole Revolutionary side of this ongoing story, where this franchise is obviously heading. It’s a bit dopey, and nowhere near as much fun as the crazy-ass Hunger Games themselves. The so called starving downtrodden populace? All look like they have just stepped out of an Abercrombie and Finch catalogue. Don’t thrust a Hemsworth brother in my face and tell me he’s a malnourished peasant.

The Final Word:

Like I said, I love the thought of kids killing each other in a battlefield full of psychotic traps – so I enjoyed this film. I don’t think the following two chapters of this story will enthral me as much.

Four_S copy

j-date

What’s It About:

A new drug named Soy Sauce is doing the rounds, but instead of making you lick windows and gyrate to Skrillex, it sends you across time and dimensions. The only real drawback, is that you may not return human.

The Good:

J-DATE is a film with huge philosophical ideas, yet at the same time it is easily accessible thanks to a coherent structure and it’s likeable laidback leads. What could have been a hack love letter to David Lynch instead becomes it’s own enjoyable romp. It’s a mind fuck for sure – but the kind of mind fuck that cuddles you post coitus, rather than leaving you weeping in the shower.

The Bad:

If the film looks like the director ran out of money three quarters of the way through production…that’s because he literally did. A cheap and nasty ending concludes an otherwise enjoyable journey.

The Final Word:

Think Dude Where’s My Car, if William S Burroughs had written it after a heroin bender.

3.5

 

 

 

 

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